There is this place I go to. I suppose technically it is a ‘conference centre’ but really it is a converted farm in the middle of nowhere
More aptly, it is called an ‘Encounter Centre’ http://www.loxlane.co.uk/
Happily I am invited to go there once a month. There is such a sense of ‘The Presence’ in the place.
It made me think – what is it about some places that makes the Presence of God seem richer, fuller, more intense, more ‘present’? I dislike ‘Hype’ intensely. The ’celebrity culture’ makes me sick & I hate it when I see it creeping into the church. I really don’t want to jump on the bandwagon of the latest trend or hunt after the most annointed ministry…….and yet, some places & some people are absolutely special & I love to be around them.
If God is everywhere (including inside of me) then why should he be more present in Lox Lane than in my own prayer room? Why should some people be more anointed than others?
Coming to the conclusion that it is probably something to do with how ‘abandoned’ a person or place is to God that makes it more ‘attractive’ – both to God and to angels and to people.
Concerning people – some are just more sold out/surrendered/abandoned than others. More of their ‘flesh life’ is dead, they live more by the Spirit. That makes them carry the fragrence of Christ more than others who live out of ‘the flesh’. No wonder you want to spend time with them, either being, or learning from them. Perhaps some of the fragrence will rub off. The danger is to forget they are still human, to put them on a pedestal & idolise or worship them.
Concerning places – some are just dedicated to him in a way that others are not. If a place is dedicated to him (like the OT temple), I believe that angels also gather – especially if it is a place where prayer or worship is regurly offered (like some churches or places like IHOP, houses of prayer, Lox Lane etc). Now I want to worship God, not angels, but there is something about their presence that magnifies the sense of God’s Presence.
I wish everyone could go to such a place. Of course God wants to build such a place in each of our hearts, but the sad truth is we often do not dethrone ‘self’ enough to allow him to reign there & inhabit us fully. The more time I spend in Lox Lane or other such places, the more inclined I am to ignore self or rather to submit it to the wonderful Holy Spirit.
Today was wonderful. Like drinking the best vintage wine……I feel a poemcard brewing….watch this space!!
Monday, 18 October 2010
Friday, 15 October 2010
City of Gold
I suppose this blog could sound very self-absorbed. But I spent years running around evangelising and serving and ‘doing’ until I was run ragged, and pretty unhappy inside.
It was like trying to fix a broken car by pushing it everywhere & making the outside look good. It is much better to fix the engine first, yes then a respray, but it will travel a lot better when the insides are fixed first.
I was reading about Heaven in Revelation 21 & it struck me that yes, God wants to establish heaven ‘in the end’, but He also wants to establish it now in our hearts, now.
As we become a dwelling place for Him, so his love will overflow out of us & touch others – a far more effective ‘witness’ to him than any amount of arguing or ‘screw yourself up it is time to go out pray for strangers’ moments!
This is what I wrote about His city of gold – I think His Spirit put it in my heart to write:
My holy city sparkles like a precious stone and shines with my glory
The gold in my city is pure. It is as clear as glass.
The gates – those most precious ways in, are made of pearls.
The walls are made of precious stone and inlaid with gemstones.
A river flows down the main street, bringing life. It is as clear as crystal.
On the banks grow trees that are always bearing fruit. Their leaves bring healing.
This is where I dwell. My city is beautiful, pure, precious. There is nothing hidden and no closed doors.
Beloved, I see roads in your hearts. Roads that have been hard to walk on. Roads that are cracked, potholed and stony. I have come, I am coming and I will come to prepare a place. Let me clear the rubble, let me fill the potholes and remove the stones.
Let me repair your broken walls and rebuild them with precious stones. I would put jewels in your walls. Precious stones that are fruits of my spirit: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Let me place gates of precious pearls in your walls. Many gates, for many to pass though, but each gate will be guarded by an angel, so that nothing can come in and damage the beauty within.
I want to lay roads of pure gold down the streets of your heart. Will you let me? We will dance on these streets that are golden. The gold is my love. I will release my river of life to flow through you. It is pure and clear with no falsehood hidden in it. It will bring life. It will water the trees I would place in your heart. Trees flourishing with fruit and growing leaves for the healing of others.
You will need no sun or moon in this city of gold – no source of external lighting. For I will be the light within you. I will be your light…shining out for others to see.
This city of gold will be your heart and I will dwell there with you. I am there already but let us beautify this heart of yours and transform it into a city of gold. See I have bought the gold and precious stones with me. I am the living water…I simply wait for you to say ‘yes’ and yield to me.
It was like trying to fix a broken car by pushing it everywhere & making the outside look good. It is much better to fix the engine first, yes then a respray, but it will travel a lot better when the insides are fixed first.
I was reading about Heaven in Revelation 21 & it struck me that yes, God wants to establish heaven ‘in the end’, but He also wants to establish it now in our hearts, now.
As we become a dwelling place for Him, so his love will overflow out of us & touch others – a far more effective ‘witness’ to him than any amount of arguing or ‘screw yourself up it is time to go out pray for strangers’ moments!
This is what I wrote about His city of gold – I think His Spirit put it in my heart to write:
My holy city sparkles like a precious stone and shines with my glory
The gold in my city is pure. It is as clear as glass.
The gates – those most precious ways in, are made of pearls.
The walls are made of precious stone and inlaid with gemstones.
A river flows down the main street, bringing life. It is as clear as crystal.
On the banks grow trees that are always bearing fruit. Their leaves bring healing.
This is where I dwell. My city is beautiful, pure, precious. There is nothing hidden and no closed doors.
Beloved, I see roads in your hearts. Roads that have been hard to walk on. Roads that are cracked, potholed and stony. I have come, I am coming and I will come to prepare a place. Let me clear the rubble, let me fill the potholes and remove the stones.
Let me repair your broken walls and rebuild them with precious stones. I would put jewels in your walls. Precious stones that are fruits of my spirit: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Let me place gates of precious pearls in your walls. Many gates, for many to pass though, but each gate will be guarded by an angel, so that nothing can come in and damage the beauty within.
I want to lay roads of pure gold down the streets of your heart. Will you let me? We will dance on these streets that are golden. The gold is my love. I will release my river of life to flow through you. It is pure and clear with no falsehood hidden in it. It will bring life. It will water the trees I would place in your heart. Trees flourishing with fruit and growing leaves for the healing of others.
You will need no sun or moon in this city of gold – no source of external lighting. For I will be the light within you. I will be your light…shining out for others to see.
This city of gold will be your heart and I will dwell there with you. I am there already but let us beautify this heart of yours and transform it into a city of gold. See I have bought the gold and precious stones with me. I am the living water…I simply wait for you to say ‘yes’ and yield to me.
Friday, 1 October 2010
Warfare
My first blog here summerised where I was at the start of the year.
A flashback to a month previously, in December’s 2009 I wrote…
Swords (December 2009)
In December some guys from RTF came & gave us ‘swords’ from God. Not real ones, but spiritual ones.
As I stood waiting for my sword, I felt God shaking His head. No sword for the one who is not even safe to be trusted with a breadknife – no. For me He had a pen. A big fat golden pen that can only be held in 2 hands. It is a pen to write truth with.
He said ‘The pen is mightier than the sword’
Psalm 45:
Beautiful words stir my heart. I will recite a lovely poem about the king, for my tongue is like the pen of a skillful poet….put on your sword, O mighty warrior!
In December 2009 a friend who does not know me well prayed over me that whatever was blocking me & stopping ‘that creative work’ was lifted.
Is it any suprise that after getting a word like that, pointing clearly to the road ahead, that a huge Spiritual attack should have come. The daft thing is…I know this is what happens so often, but it is as if I forget. My writing is a weapon – no wonder the enemy tries to knock the golden pen out of my hand.
Much of this year I have been caught in the grip of a war I’ve barely understood. It has felt like standing in the eye of a hurricane. I myself have been protected but everything around me has been ripped up and rearranged until the whole world looked different.
A flashback to a month previously, in December’s 2009 I wrote…
Swords (December 2009)
In December some guys from RTF came & gave us ‘swords’ from God. Not real ones, but spiritual ones.
As I stood waiting for my sword, I felt God shaking His head. No sword for the one who is not even safe to be trusted with a breadknife – no. For me He had a pen. A big fat golden pen that can only be held in 2 hands. It is a pen to write truth with.
He said ‘The pen is mightier than the sword’
Psalm 45:
Beautiful words stir my heart. I will recite a lovely poem about the king, for my tongue is like the pen of a skillful poet….put on your sword, O mighty warrior!
In December 2009 a friend who does not know me well prayed over me that whatever was blocking me & stopping ‘that creative work’ was lifted.
Is it any suprise that after getting a word like that, pointing clearly to the road ahead, that a huge Spiritual attack should have come. The daft thing is…I know this is what happens so often, but it is as if I forget. My writing is a weapon – no wonder the enemy tries to knock the golden pen out of my hand.
Much of this year I have been caught in the grip of a war I’ve barely understood. It has felt like standing in the eye of a hurricane. I myself have been protected but everything around me has been ripped up and rearranged until the whole world looked different.
Wednesday, 18 August 2010
Finding the Sanctuary
At last. Through waiting, reading various books – mainly ‘Secrets of the Secret Place’ by Bob Sorge, ‘Experiencing the depths of Jesus Christ’ by Jeanne Guyon, ‘Abide in Christ’ by Andrew Murray, by endless ‘soaking’ ie waiting in God’s presence, through many tears and prayers: It is dawning on me that He has never left me.
I have searched the world for His Presence only to find it is within.
Pushed to one side on days by the clamouring of my flesh, but always, He is within.
Psalm 26: I wash my hands to declare my innocence.
I come to your altar, O Lord singing a song of thanksgiving and telling of all your miracles.I love your sanctuary, Lord, the place of your glorious presence.
What is this sanctuary? It is a place where father, son and spirit will dwell, and I can be there too.
Where is this sanctuary? It is supposed to be in my heart.
How will it get there? By inviting him in.
What will cause him to stay? Create at atmosphere, a culture, where he will be comfortable. He will actually create this for me, but he wants my permission to do it. He wants to clear out the old furniture before fitting it with new, he wants to change the decor from earthly to heavenly.
I need to become a mobile home for the Father.
Whose am I?
■Get rid of preoccupation with the world, worry about the world/world system.
■I belong to a different kingdom
Who am I?
■A daughter of the King. This defines me. I am not defined by what I do, my career, my function in the church or my writing. I am not even defined by my relationships. I am Princess, Beloved BrightHeartShining, my Father’s daughter, a friend of Jesus
How does he want the Sanctuary to look like?
■Declutter. Get rid of bad habits & rubbish.
■Change the wallpaper from negative thinking to a thing of beauty
■The furniture: throw out tables of ‘me first’, chairs of ‘my rights’, cutlery of arguing, bookcases of time-wasting, clear out indifference, meanness, impatience, unkindness
■Allow Jesus to move in new furniture……tables of love, chairs of kindness, cutlery of grace, putting others first, covering up others faults with love
■Become a people person. Look at people, even strangers….see their inner pain, allow Jesus to show it to you & allow him to grow compassion in you…be kind to those who abuse you.
How?
■I can do none of this myself. The Holy Spirit is my Helper. I am weak…that is ok.
I have searched the world for His Presence only to find it is within.
Pushed to one side on days by the clamouring of my flesh, but always, He is within.
Psalm 26: I wash my hands to declare my innocence.
I come to your altar, O Lord singing a song of thanksgiving and telling of all your miracles.I love your sanctuary, Lord, the place of your glorious presence.
What is this sanctuary? It is a place where father, son and spirit will dwell, and I can be there too.
Where is this sanctuary? It is supposed to be in my heart.
How will it get there? By inviting him in.
What will cause him to stay? Create at atmosphere, a culture, where he will be comfortable. He will actually create this for me, but he wants my permission to do it. He wants to clear out the old furniture before fitting it with new, he wants to change the decor from earthly to heavenly.
I need to become a mobile home for the Father.
Whose am I?
■Get rid of preoccupation with the world, worry about the world/world system.
■I belong to a different kingdom
Who am I?
■A daughter of the King. This defines me. I am not defined by what I do, my career, my function in the church or my writing. I am not even defined by my relationships. I am Princess, Beloved BrightHeartShining, my Father’s daughter, a friend of Jesus
How does he want the Sanctuary to look like?
■Declutter. Get rid of bad habits & rubbish.
■Change the wallpaper from negative thinking to a thing of beauty
■The furniture: throw out tables of ‘me first’, chairs of ‘my rights’, cutlery of arguing, bookcases of time-wasting, clear out indifference, meanness, impatience, unkindness
■Allow Jesus to move in new furniture……tables of love, chairs of kindness, cutlery of grace, putting others first, covering up others faults with love
■Become a people person. Look at people, even strangers….see their inner pain, allow Jesus to show it to you & allow him to grow compassion in you…be kind to those who abuse you.
How?
■I can do none of this myself. The Holy Spirit is my Helper. I am weak…that is ok.
Sunday, 25 July 2010
Random Summer Encouragements
Encouragements I have gleaned along the way May-July
■Psalm 23 – the table is spread before us in the midst of our enemies. I need to fix my eyes on Jesus not on the enemy
■Road to Emmaus. Jesus HIMSELF made all the difference. Not knowing about him or hearing about him. His own presence is what transformed the travellors
■Jesus at the tomb of Lazarus. He took Mary where she least wanted to go – the tomb. She had to face the pain to see the miracle
■Phil 3:8…everything else is worthless when compared to the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord
■Romans 8:17 If we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering
■Jeremiah 23:29 Does not my word burn like fire? says the Lord. He is a ‘hammer that smashes a rock to pieces’
■there is a wind of his fire on the move…a new wind
■I must discover, live in, the fear of the Lord
■When we open our mouths to speak in his name I must have the fear of the Lord in our hearts. Then I will say only his words & not go beyond them. Then my words will burn like fire.
■I am adorned in royal robes…….endure the suffering…don’t kick against it…even the loneliness…allow it to drive you deeper into God.
■Psalm 23 – the table is spread before us in the midst of our enemies. I need to fix my eyes on Jesus not on the enemy
■Road to Emmaus. Jesus HIMSELF made all the difference. Not knowing about him or hearing about him. His own presence is what transformed the travellors
■Jesus at the tomb of Lazarus. He took Mary where she least wanted to go – the tomb. She had to face the pain to see the miracle
■Phil 3:8…everything else is worthless when compared to the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord
■Romans 8:17 If we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering
■Jeremiah 23:29 Does not my word burn like fire? says the Lord. He is a ‘hammer that smashes a rock to pieces’
■there is a wind of his fire on the move…a new wind
■I must discover, live in, the fear of the Lord
■When we open our mouths to speak in his name I must have the fear of the Lord in our hearts. Then I will say only his words & not go beyond them. Then my words will burn like fire.
■I am adorned in royal robes…….endure the suffering…don’t kick against it…even the loneliness…allow it to drive you deeper into God.
Sunday, 18 April 2010
Uncapping the Well
This is what God has said to me:
I have sent you my waves
I have sent you my river.
My waves have washed over you
and you have soaked in my river.
These things are good but there is more.
The waves and the river come from me, from my realm.
It is my hand that releases them.
But my hand has also placed a spring within you.
These are days to discover the spring.
The spring will well up with pure water
My hand has released the spring
but whether it flows or not is your choice.
You can cap the head of this spring or block its flow.
Your sin, your wrong heart attitudes, your undisciplined thought life -
All these things can hinder the flow of the spring.
I will train and help you to find this inner spring and keep its flow clear.
The spring will refresh you from within on the days when you are far from the river and waves.
It will bring an illogical joy from me.
If you allow the spring to flow
It will change and refresh you, sustain and strengthen you
on your darkest days and when trouble is all around you.
The spring will water your heart and enable good fruit to grow in your life.
Let the spring waters rise up and flow.
Funny how He speaks of fire and water at the same time. In Feb I wrote
Be purified in the crucible of fire.
The heat is on.
It may hurt but not one hair of your head will be harmed
and there is one who stands there
in the fire with you
Such warfare. Like the spring it does not come so much from external circumstances, but from internal conflict. I just get into negative thought patterns so easily. I may start thinking about how alone I am, or how little I am accomplishing with my life and before I know it I am picturing worst case scenarios, or plotting a lifetime of withdrawal and wondering if anyone will even notice…I develop stinky bitter attitudes which I later regret….somehow I need to find weapons to use when this happens.
In my better moments I wonder whether being alone is part of God’s plan to bring me closer to him. To be close, you must spend time with him, and time is something I have a lot of – would it be a waste to simply waste it on him?
If the loneliness afflicts my heart – as it does – can I not somehow allow the pain of it to drive me deeper into Him? How I can feel alone – really – if He – Almighty God, maker of the universe, Jesus his son, my friend and Lord, the Holy Spirit, the comforter – if all these 3 are with me.
I guess the key is KNOWING they are with me.
My prayers sometimes feel they are going nowhere & my mind wanders as I sit in the prayer room. And my feelings are unreliable at best, deceptive at worst.
Strategies then:
■Recognise/identify when thought patterns or feelings take a nosedive and ACT LIKE THIS IS AN EMERGENCY
■Put on ipod & go for walk if it’s a nice day
■Pick up His word….focus on the bits that speak
■Think about the cross – picture myself in front of it – take the wood in my hands…
■Think about Jesus stories, put myself in the place of some of the characters…
■DON’T distract myself with computer jobs or tasks
■Listen to Bob Sorge Sermons
■Read a helpful book about seeking God
■Rest, make a hot drink, be kind to myself, treat myself as a friend under attack, not as a shameful enemy
■Be patient, these feelings will not last forever…they will pass….wait….
I have sent you my waves
I have sent you my river.
My waves have washed over you
and you have soaked in my river.
These things are good but there is more.
The waves and the river come from me, from my realm.
It is my hand that releases them.
But my hand has also placed a spring within you.
These are days to discover the spring.
The spring will well up with pure water
My hand has released the spring
but whether it flows or not is your choice.
You can cap the head of this spring or block its flow.
Your sin, your wrong heart attitudes, your undisciplined thought life -
All these things can hinder the flow of the spring.
I will train and help you to find this inner spring and keep its flow clear.
The spring will refresh you from within on the days when you are far from the river and waves.
It will bring an illogical joy from me.
If you allow the spring to flow
It will change and refresh you, sustain and strengthen you
on your darkest days and when trouble is all around you.
The spring will water your heart and enable good fruit to grow in your life.
Let the spring waters rise up and flow.
Funny how He speaks of fire and water at the same time. In Feb I wrote
Be purified in the crucible of fire.
The heat is on.
It may hurt but not one hair of your head will be harmed
and there is one who stands there
in the fire with you
Such warfare. Like the spring it does not come so much from external circumstances, but from internal conflict. I just get into negative thought patterns so easily. I may start thinking about how alone I am, or how little I am accomplishing with my life and before I know it I am picturing worst case scenarios, or plotting a lifetime of withdrawal and wondering if anyone will even notice…I develop stinky bitter attitudes which I later regret….somehow I need to find weapons to use when this happens.
In my better moments I wonder whether being alone is part of God’s plan to bring me closer to him. To be close, you must spend time with him, and time is something I have a lot of – would it be a waste to simply waste it on him?
If the loneliness afflicts my heart – as it does – can I not somehow allow the pain of it to drive me deeper into Him? How I can feel alone – really – if He – Almighty God, maker of the universe, Jesus his son, my friend and Lord, the Holy Spirit, the comforter – if all these 3 are with me.
I guess the key is KNOWING they are with me.
My prayers sometimes feel they are going nowhere & my mind wanders as I sit in the prayer room. And my feelings are unreliable at best, deceptive at worst.
Strategies then:
■Recognise/identify when thought patterns or feelings take a nosedive and ACT LIKE THIS IS AN EMERGENCY
■Put on ipod & go for walk if it’s a nice day
■Pick up His word….focus on the bits that speak
■Think about the cross – picture myself in front of it – take the wood in my hands…
■Think about Jesus stories, put myself in the place of some of the characters…
■DON’T distract myself with computer jobs or tasks
■Listen to Bob Sorge Sermons
■Read a helpful book about seeking God
■Rest, make a hot drink, be kind to myself, treat myself as a friend under attack, not as a shameful enemy
■Be patient, these feelings will not last forever…they will pass….wait….
Thursday, 18 March 2010
Wrestling the Flesh
And yet it is March & not a whole lot more is written.
We were prophesied over lately & I had one word about comfort…God wanting to comfort….and yes – totally witness to that one
Also a word that my well was blocked
Just a huge conflict of feelings esp. When I am in God’s presence. I am so aware of sinful attitudes and actions – envy, selfishness, soulishness, bitterness, anger to name but a few. And so screwed up about relationships. I find myself with hours spent alone. Long hours. I feel that there are relationships that have drifted. I am afraid of rejection & trapped in isolation by that fear – for should I approach anyone for company & they say ‘no’, than what??
So quickly it all becomes about me and how I feel. And I know it should be about God and how He feels and what He wants.
What a huge conflict and war goes on within my soul.
So aware of the need for mercy.
I feel like Jacob, wrestling with God. I will not let go till He meets me.
I suspect that this consuming fire, is burning up my flesh. But how it protests. How it hurts.
We were prophesied over lately & I had one word about comfort…God wanting to comfort….and yes – totally witness to that one
Also a word that my well was blocked
Just a huge conflict of feelings esp. When I am in God’s presence. I am so aware of sinful attitudes and actions – envy, selfishness, soulishness, bitterness, anger to name but a few. And so screwed up about relationships. I find myself with hours spent alone. Long hours. I feel that there are relationships that have drifted. I am afraid of rejection & trapped in isolation by that fear – for should I approach anyone for company & they say ‘no’, than what??
So quickly it all becomes about me and how I feel. And I know it should be about God and how He feels and what He wants.
What a huge conflict and war goes on within my soul.
So aware of the need for mercy.
I feel like Jacob, wrestling with God. I will not let go till He meets me.
I suspect that this consuming fire, is burning up my flesh. But how it protests. How it hurts.
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