Sunday, 18 April 2010

Uncapping the Well

This is what God has said to me:

I have sent you my waves
I have sent you my river.
My waves have washed over you
and you have soaked in my river.

These things are good but there is more.
The waves and the river come from me, from my realm.
It is my hand that releases them.
But my hand has also placed a spring within you.

These are days to discover the spring.
The spring will well up with pure water
My hand has released the spring
but whether it flows or not is your choice.
You can cap the head of this spring or block its flow.
Your sin, your wrong heart attitudes, your undisciplined thought life -
All these things can hinder the flow of the spring.
I will train and help you to find this inner spring and keep its flow clear.

The spring will refresh you from within on the days when you are far from the river and waves.
It will bring an illogical joy from me.
If you allow the spring to flow
It will change and refresh you, sustain and strengthen you
on your darkest days and when trouble is all around you.
The spring will water your heart and enable good fruit to grow in your life.
Let the spring waters rise up and flow.

Funny how He speaks of fire and water at the same time. In Feb I wrote

Be purified in the crucible of fire.
The heat is on.
It may hurt but not one hair of your head will be harmed
and there is one who stands there
in the fire with you

Such warfare. Like the spring it does not come so much from external circumstances, but from internal conflict. I just get into negative thought patterns so easily. I may start thinking about how alone I am, or how little I am accomplishing with my life and before I know it I am picturing worst case scenarios, or plotting a lifetime of withdrawal and wondering if anyone will even notice…I develop stinky bitter attitudes which I later regret….somehow I need to find weapons to use when this happens.

In my better moments I wonder whether being alone is part of God’s plan to bring me closer to him. To be close, you must spend time with him, and time is something I have a lot of – would it be a waste to simply waste it on him?

If the loneliness afflicts my heart – as it does – can I not somehow allow the pain of it to drive me deeper into Him? How I can feel alone – really – if He – Almighty God, maker of the universe, Jesus his son, my friend and Lord, the Holy Spirit, the comforter – if all these 3 are with me.

I guess the key is KNOWING they are with me.

My prayers sometimes feel they are going nowhere & my mind wanders as I sit in the prayer room. And my feelings are unreliable at best, deceptive at worst.

Strategies then:

■Recognise/identify when thought patterns or feelings take a nosedive and ACT LIKE THIS IS AN EMERGENCY
■Put on ipod & go for walk if it’s a nice day
■Pick up His word….focus on the bits that speak
■Think about the cross – picture myself in front of it – take the wood in my hands…
■Think about Jesus stories, put myself in the place of some of the characters…
■DON’T distract myself with computer jobs or tasks
■Listen to Bob Sorge Sermons
■Read a helpful book about seeking God
■Rest, make a hot drink, be kind to myself, treat myself as a friend under attack, not as a shameful enemy
■Be patient, these feelings will not last forever…they will pass….wait….

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