Thursday, 18 March 2010

Wrestling the Flesh

And yet it is March & not a whole lot more is written.

We were prophesied over lately & I had one word about comfort…God wanting to comfort….and yes – totally witness to that one

Also a word that my well was blocked

Just a huge conflict of feelings esp. When I am in God’s presence. I am so aware of sinful attitudes and actions – envy, selfishness, soulishness, bitterness, anger to name but a few. And so screwed up about relationships. I find myself with hours spent alone. Long hours. I feel that there are relationships that have drifted. I am afraid of rejection & trapped in isolation by that fear – for should I approach anyone for company & they say ‘no’, than what??

So quickly it all becomes about me and how I feel. And I know it should be about God and how He feels and what He wants.

What a huge conflict and war goes on within my soul.

So aware of the need for mercy.

I feel like Jacob, wrestling with God. I will not let go till He meets me.

I suspect that this consuming fire, is burning up my flesh. But how it protests. How it hurts.

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